FINAL PAPER-->The Courting Process of Males and Females: A Step by Step Guide

Since the beginning of time, men and women were always meant to mate so that the earth could be populated. But before the actual mating can take place, the female must be courted and if she feels that the male pursuer is of adequate stock, she will then proceed to mate with him. The process that they both must go through is quite grueling and tedious, possibly ending in a commitment that could last a life time, or could take a turn for the worst and result in many arguments, many nights spent on the couch, and eventually end in heartbreak. To fully understand this contemporary issue at hand, the process of courtship, we must take a step by step look at what both men and women must go through to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
First, the male must find who he wants to mate with, this could take years, or he could walk outside and see someone that catches his fancy and then he would proceed to ask her out on a date. After he’s made the first move, it is now all up to her for this process to continue. If she decides that he seems like a possibility for an ideal mate she will accept his dinner invitation. The female will shave her legs, curl her hair, put make up on, and wear a dress and heels. The male will shower, shave, wear deodorant, put on his best cologne, and wear dress pants, a button up shirt, and a tie. According to Lynford Heron “[Neck] Ties which both hang flaccidly from the neck to the groin like a penis, and also point to it, are the very symbol of the phallus, which is so envied by other men and women not for its actual qualities, as much as the social meaning attributed to the gender of its owner. The tie is thus a symbol of the domination of men over women and of power in general”. What they decide to wear because although this is not their first time meeting, this will be their first real encounter and the first impression is everything.
For the date, the male has chosen to take her to a very nice and swanky restaurant, costing him most of his paycheck. He meets her at her house and, because presentation is everything, he walks up to her doorstep instead of honking his horn for her to come out. There he proceeds to tell her how wonderful she looks while giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Heading out to his car, she wonders if he’ll do it, if he believes in chivalry, and if he will pass this test. He knows that chivalry, if it is dead, should not be, especially at this moment he channels his inner gentleman and remembers back to where he read this: “The symbols of chivalry are powerful--powerful because of their deep attachment to the most important virtues of man: Courtesy, respect, generosity (largesse), honesty, fidelity, humility, justice, excellence (prowess), courage, loyalty, duty. These things are timeless. Attached to the bright symbols of knighthood, they are still transmitted down through the generations, striking a chord of need when times seem dark” (Price). So he opens the car door for her. She’s impressed and he catches her smiling to herself.
They arrive at the restaurant and she is rather pleased at his choice, earning yet another point in her book. When seated by the hostess, he has kept chivalry in mind and makes it a point to pull the chair out for her. Over dinner they talk about where they grew up, their majors in college, past relationships, and hobbies. Then the check came. He knew that the guy is always supposed to pay unless she insists at least twice that she can pay for her half or pick up the whole thing. So he reached for it and waited for her reaction. She politely asked him how much she owed and he replied that the whole dinner was on him, and she smiled and thanked him. For this, she received a point in his book. He was not about to date a feminist and fight about women’s rights on a daily basis.
Leaving the restaurant, he helps her in her coat and holds her hand as they walk to the car. Their ride home was filled with more conversation and light music. They arrive in front of her house and he hops out really fast to catch the door before she could open it. He walks her to her doorstep, not expecting her to kiss him, but hoping that she just might. She takes his hand walking up the pathway to the door. She knows that the first move depends solely on the female because women control the speed of the relationship, not men. Although he will most likely make the first move, she knows that she doesn’t have to accept his offer, even though she kind of wants to. With every step they take they get closer to getting to her doorstep, a moment they are both anticipating. The male knows that it is up to him for this to turn out perfectly. He tells her that he had a wonderful time with her and he can’t wait until they go out again next weekend. She thanks him and says that she had a wonderful night as well and says goodnight. The male lingers there for a moment, nervous about his next move, but he decides to go for it. He moves in slowly and so does she. This is their first encounter for the mating ritual. This is a sign that their relationship can move forward.
The male and female go on a few more dates and their status blossoms into a relationship. They now officially have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend and things are moving along just fine, but the male is getting antsy. He thinks it’s almost time to move things to the next level, which would throw the old-fashioned courtship out the window. She does not realize he is ready for this next, more grown up step in their relationship, but she realizes that their relationship is moving toward that. The topic of sex before marriage is brought up. He wants to know how she feels about it. Jesuit Gibbons stated that "Man is a moral being . . . Man's reason, properly used, can still tell him what ought to be, even if his concrete behavior falls short of the ideal . . . Sex, like any other tendency in man, must be regulated by reason. Man, not being governed by the detailed instincts of lesser animals, would find his tendencies running wild were he not to regulate them by reason" (Time). She feels that she could be ready for that next step in their relationship, giving him the OK to go for it anytime. According to Dr. Dennis Needer, the rules for making that first move toward getting intimate is,
“1) Women control the speed of the relationship - and the sex - not men.2) Women know if they'll sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you.3) Even if a woman does go out with you, she won't tell you if she plans to sleep with you or not!4) Women will usually NOT make the first move. 5) If you don't make the right move at the right time, the women will usually think you're weak, an oaf, gay, or just not interested.6) Women and men view sex differently - women use sex to bond and create intimacy, men use sex to decide if they want to get more intimate” (Needer).
Now their choice to have sex before marriage is a trend that has become extremely prevalent within these past few decades. There are still a good amount of people who are waiting until their wedding day to have sex, the majority of them being Christian. But our society practically teaches you how to have sex on prime time television; it is nearly welcomed and taught in middle school.
Both Male and Female saw fireworks during this magical night of love-making. This step assures that they will be together for a much longer period of time, unless something terribly wrong goes on. They go on together for several more months, hitting the year marker in what seemed like no time at all. The next obvious step for them would be to get married.
Marriage. He ponders that word for a while and realizes that if he does decide to propose, this is a commitment that will last him for the rest of his life. In the end he realizes that being married is a good thing and he has chosen the right one.
He proposes.
She says yes.
They live happily ever after.
This mating process described is slightly more formal than most, but I feel that it’s important for a man to properly court a woman. It is still ok to hold a door open for a girl or take her coat from her when entering a room. Just because women have become so empowered over these past few decades doesn’t mean you have to treat them like one of the guys. Women are still women and they want to be treated like equals, but they also deserve the respect of a man.

Work Cited

Heron, Lynford. “The Necktie- A Phallic Symbol”. Centurion Body. Centurion Press. 4 May
2002.
Hp-Time.com. “Sex Before Marriage”. Time. Time, inc. 13 February 1950. 2008
Needer, Dr. Dennis W. “Making the First Move”. The Singles Café: Love, Romance, Dating,
and Relationship advice. 2001.
Price, Brian R. “Isn’t Chivalry Dead”. Chronique. SCA Brion Thornburn ap Rhys, Earl and
Knight, OL. 14 Sept 1995.

Myspace: Not a safe Space

Myspace is one of the most popular websites out there right now, with over 100 million profiles made so far. And although Myspace is a place for you to talk to your friends and meet people, it has become a place where people can harrass other people and where older men can meet younger girls and boys to meet up with them and rape and kill them. Myspace is not always good and fun, Myspace isn't always safe; Just because you are sitting at a desk and sitting behind a screen doesn't mean you're safe from cyber bullies.

Megan Meier was a 13 year old girl who had her whole life ahead of her. Sure, she had her bouts with depression and had actually tried to committ suicide once before, but as far as her friends and family were concerned she was all better and didn't have those feelings anymore. Then one day she became friends with this boy Josh, or a person she thought was Josh a boy from her school. He would say mean and hurtful things like, the world would be a better place without you in it. She ended up hanging herself one day and her mother later found her in her closet.

Later the family finds out that it wasn't the fault of this boy Josh, it was one Megan's old friends' mother. She is now being charged for murder.

Also, there is an entire website dedicated to adolescents lost, stolen, raped, or murdered because of myspace... because they were easily found. Because you have your information displayed all over your page, your likes and dislikes, it makes it that much easier for a predator to try to be your best friend to lure you in.

Back when Myspace was newer there was an age limit of 16 years old... now i think that age limit has been lowered if not completely abolished, but because of these incidents I definately feel they should be pulling the reigns a bit tighter when it comes to a 10 year old girl creating a myspace and then becoming friends with a 30 year old man.

Myspace can be a lot of fun if used in the right way: to keep in contact with friends and get to know new people (preferably your own age), share music, etc. But when taken to an extreme of cyber bullying, that's when it's turned into a dangerous place to sit in front of.

Cultural Studies by Chris Barker: Sex, Subjectivity and Representation

Out of the entire book, I feel that this chapter most represents what our society is all about, and that is Sex and Gender. Those two subjects alone rule how we live our lives everyday. Because I am a female I am supposed to look, dress, and act a certain way. If I were to say cut my hair short, wear baggier clothes, and start to hang out with guys and do "guy" things, then I could be seen as a dyke or a lesbian. The book says, "Men are commonly held to be more 'naturally' domineering, hierarchially oriented and power-hungry, while women are seen as nurturing, child rearing and domestically inclined". I do believe that the media has a lot to do with how both males and females in our society act and dress. In the section, The bitch, the witch and the matricarch, Diana Meehan did and study and concluded that "representations on television cast 'good' women as submissive, sensitive, and domesticated while 'bad' women are rebellious, independent, and selfish. She also says that Americans have spent over 30 years watching male heroes and their adventures... i ask... when is it our turn? We are always portrayed as "witches, bitches, mothers, and imps"... and I think that television is finally starting to show women in a different light. Shows like Sex and the City, Lipstick Jungle, Samanatha Who?, Ugly Betty, and Heroes where women are seen as independent, powerful, and they don't necessarily let men control how they conduct business.

I think it's really good that women are finally being given their time to shine. Women work hard everyday, and that includes being a stay at home mom, because even though the work they do isn't the same, it's still a difficult job nonetheless. And then there are those working moms who, when you think about it, have a job 24/7. A working father's job usually consists of going to the office, coming home, eating, watching tv, then going to bed, and on the weekends he would mow the lawn, and do other outdoorsy chores, and possibly hang out with the kids. But working mothers have it so much harder. They have to be the first ones up in the morning to get the kids to school then they have to go to work, then be home in time to pick them up, help them with their homework, clean the house, make dinner, and then get everyone off to bed so that they can start the exhausting process all over again. I am glad though that more men are partaking in more of the motherly duties and allowing their wives to pursue their goals and dreams and live the life they always wanted, doing the job they always wanted, and still be a mother. So we can thank the stay at home dads for letting their wives have their chance to be the heroes and breadwinners for their families.

American Psycho

So we saw American Psycho in class and I have a few things I would like to discuss:

1) Why was it titled "American Psycho"? Did he represent the All-American Man? Is it because it was based in America? I don't know... I feel that it stereotypes the men of this country terribly. If you are young, wealthy, and successful you will act this way and you will kill people. I understand that it isn't real, but when people from other countries see this movie, they have to think that this represents us just a little bit. But if the movie was based in Italy or France or Argentina, would the title represent that? Italian Psycho? French Psycho? Argentinian Psycho?

2) In the Barker book, the male was discussed. And from what was said about the male in general, I think Christian Bale's character portrayed this, and then some. He was the ultimate male... What the Barker book said and then we can multiply that by 10. He was handsome, very good-looking, worked out and built, he was engaged to a young woman of the elite class he was a part of, he was extremely clean and obsessive about it, and then he killed people and felt absolutely no remorse for it.

3) The movie was completely and utterly disturbing. The person who wrote it should be locked up... i mean, to actually think this stuff up is just awful.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Even though I've read Tennessee Williams' story, "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" now three times, I'll be honest, I don't like it much. There is so much ambiguity throughout the entire story that it upsets me... and reminds me a lot of the Reality TV show Maury. There is so much unnecessary drama it's almost hard to keep up.

Brick may or may not be a homosexual... you know what buddy? It's ok to miss your friend... and even though he's gay and you guys were close, it doesn't mean you are gay, or were gay for hanging out with him.

And then there's Maggie, who just wants a child because she feels she has to have one. Sometimes, people are not meant to bear children and I think Maggie's character is too selfish to selflessly care for a child. Her reasons for wanting one are purely selfish anyway... she wants a reason to sleep with Brick and she wants a reason for Big Daddy to give them the estate as opposed to Brick's brother.

Then there's the issue of Big Daddy having sexual feelings toward Maggie. I mean, it is weird, don't get me wrong, but she was quite gorgeous and it's ok to find her attractive, but the minute he starts lusting after her and trying to get with her is the minute he's gone much too far. He never does, but still, it can be seen as incest.

The Ambiguity throughout the story was obviously portrayed in the book with the assoiciations between a husband and wife and their family and friends.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin... or Serendipity?

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl. Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert. Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose. But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird. "Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone. "Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?" "Not really." "Your favorite type, then?" "I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts." "Strange." "Yeah. Strange." "So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?" "Nah. Just passed her on the street." She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning. Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world. After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed. Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart. Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards. How can I approach her? What should I say? "Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?" Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman. "Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?" No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that? Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me." No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about. We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had. I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd. Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical. Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?" Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened. One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street. "This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me." "And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream." They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle. As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily? And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?" "Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do." And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west. The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully. One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank. They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love. Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty. One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew: She is the 100% perfect girl for me. He is the 100% perfect boy for me. But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever. A sad story, don't you think? Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

The article that the 40-Year-Old Virgin group chose I felt was slightly off. In the movie, Andy is 40 years old and is still a virgin, aka... has absolutely no game at all, or at least until his work friends decide to help him. But this article is about a young man getting up the courage to ask a young girl his age out on a date, or at least get up the courage to say something to her. When he does they decide that if it really was fate that brough them together so they agree that if they see each other somewhere in the future it was meant to be. Well, because of their terrible illness, they were left with no recolection of one another so they forever pass each other on the streets and don't realize that fate is bringing them together again day after day.
Doesn't this article sound a lot like a movie that was made about four years before? It had John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale... Serendipity. He writes his name on a $5 Bill and she writes her name in a used book and for years they're looking for these items because they believe that fate will bring them back together. It isn't until they stop looking that these items fall right into their laps, and then they of course are together in the end.
But Andy, Steve Carrell's character, could be seen as similar to the boy in the article. Andy would probably still talk to himself like that before talking to a woman... but who wouldn't? I bet just about any man or woman who are about to go and talk to someone they find attractive has some type of line playing in their head... the first impression is always the most crucial.
The Group did bring up some points i thought were rather interesting though. Andy's character seemed to be more feminine, whereas the female characters seemed to be more masculine. Andy seemed to be the one getting pursued buy the women and in some cases, practically violated. This type of scenario doesn't usually happen, or isn't something our society is necesarily used to.
All in all, the group brought up some interesting points, I just didn't agree on their choice of article.

The Ultimate Cougar Movie: The Graduate

I really enjoyed The Graduate. Even though it was made so long ago, there really is no movie out there like it. Even the Jennifer Aniston one that I vaguely remember watching a few years ago didn't even compare to this one. I loved Ann Bancrofts character! She was the ultimate cougar, she really was. I did hate her though when she didn't let Ben date her daughter Elaine, but I guess it would have been completely disgusting if my mother would have slept with a love interest of mine... Actually, I'd rather not even go there.

But if Elaine and Ben were supposed to be together all along (it seemed like their parents had been planning this since birth, why did Mrs. Robinson sleep with him? Weren't there plenty of other young men she could have seduced? Why him? I also thought it was rather odd that they rushed her into a marriage to that doctor she had been dating. We knew he wanted to marry Elaine, but didn't he think it was soon? Didn't they consider his feelings at all? No one probably expected Elaine to run off with Ben, though. And even when they did get away and got on the bus, they looked happy for about 12 seconds. But I was waiting for some sort of embrace... but they never hugged, kissed or anything at the end. They turned to look out the window to see if they were being followed, they turned to look at each other, they smiled... then the smiles faded. It seemed like a big "Oh Shit" moment. I don't really think that they realized what being together meant. It meant her never seeing her parents again, it meant that she was still married. It meant that they had nothing, not a car even because his broke down, and she was stuck in her wedding dress.

I can officially add this movie to my favorite's list. I can see why it's a classic. There's nothing even comparable to it... it's a one of a kind. Oh and was Ben's dad Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World? I was wondering that the entire movie...